oublier

some things aren't worth dwelling on.

I GOT AN A ON MY HISTORY TEST! yeah, that's right. an A.

today was a considerably better day... at least so far. i'm sort of bored right now, but ah well. jason, the most caring enthusiastic wonderful pretty boy EVER, is downloading me a song. i take back every mean thing i've ever said or thought about jason, even during those fights i can't remember. you're a wonderful guy!! ;D

and one day, we'll make gorgeous babies or something!

feminism... gets my goat. i don't care. we've got rights, so why are we still trying to make ourselves MORE equal? maybe i've just never experienced it first hand or anything... but seems to me women were much better off when they were respected for what they were, instead of now when our biological shortcomings are ignored and only serve to handicap us. i just don't care. i ought to, i suppose, but it doesn't bother me at all. i'm smart, i enjoy learning, i like college, but i'll admit i'd be glad to earn an MRS. and it's not because i feel like that's all i'm capable of, as a women, it's just... that's what i want. so why do people look down on that? i like to clean and take care of people and wear my pearls and anticipate needs...it's fulfilling to me in a way that the competition of the "real" world isn't. i don't care much for competition.

moving on.

the day started out with an "everyone's against me!" sort of feeling, and i'm paranoid some people are mad at me (they might actually be, i'm not sure yet) but i soon got into a better mood, which was augmented by the 500 calories i lost at the gym today. it's skinny!lindsey coming back! hopefully...

going to b'ham tomorrow! i'm sad to leave c-ville, but i need to get my hairs cut and i think me, mum, and sel are going to go BRIDAL SHOPPING!!! ahhh i'm so excited! i can't wait to see kel in her wedding dress! she's going to be GORGEOUS!

so i just got a little bored, and read my OLD blog, from before the phi kappa dating fiasco. and i found this post:

well it wasn't too rainy today. mostly just soggy from the "ice storm" this weekend.

i thankfully missed that, being away at the beach.

it was so lovely to be in the company of nice, normal, really smart people. sometimes i wonder if i ought to have gone to birmingham-southern college. but then i wouldn't be a sigma kappa or have my friends... it's a hard call.

evidently i'm better at writing than i thought i was. and not quite as good at languages. this is a sad day. i'm just not sure what to do with myself. i do want to be that domestic goddess, the stepford wife... but i'm still in college... so what do i study?

french
it's gorgeous and beautiful and stylish and elegant. i love how it rolls off my tongue without even making much sense at all.

german
not quite as awful as i thought it would be. it's fun to pronounce. but it's time consuming and frustrating to learn a new language when i was getting to know french pretty well.

english
i've never considered myself to be the writer my sister is. she's got it down. i just type and lo and behold, for an english class at a public school it's fairly decent. well, i got best response in my class, but it's just uga. and as much as i brag about it being tough, it's not that hard. hard to get in... but not hard.

home ec or whatever it's called now
i love baking. and i'm learning how to cook this summer. i love to crochet and make things for people to see them love it and smile. but what do you do with that? it's not like i'll be married right out of college... highly doubtful, at least. as kelsey says, i'm looking in the wrong places. firstly, i'm in georgia at a public school when i just want a smart nice guy who's interesting to talk to.

so really it's just me second-guessing myself. i'd always figured as soon as my dating ban was lifted, i'd be right back to how i was in high school, dating every night. but it hasn't worked out that way. and it's frustrating.

it's hard because i think i'm pretty (i'll come right out and say it. i'll not be a shrinking violet in my own blog) but it's hard to tell what everyone else is thinking. boys from high school are asking me out on dates that i hardly even knew back then, but they're in alabama and they aren't what i'm looking for.

maybe i'm too picky and i'm over-reaching. maybe i'm assuming i'm in a higher dating caste than i really am. i suppose i'm a little too rude every now and then, and i'm certainly not a "good girl" on the weekends... well, sometimes i am. i don't drink every weekend.

like we all do, i've turned to the internet masses for my therapists.

silent therapists
but therapists nonetheless.

who knows if my friends even actually read this. that's odd, isn't it? here i am, pouring out my soul on some stupid little screen and my best friends aren't even reading this.

and sometimes i write with someone in mind and i know they'll never read it. that's just common sense.

needless to say, it's not been a perfect night. but in retrospect, i could be worse off. at least i think i'm pretty.

i am pretty

just be sure and let me from time to time, won't you?

love
lindsey
posted by lindsey @ 8:21 PM

it's weird, going back and seeing how incredibly bipolar i was there. i was either REALLY happy or REALLY sad. argh i'm still just as crazy, i guess. but yeah...still wondering what i'm going to do with my life. even after i've transferred. that's what got me, was i didn't know then, i don't know now, and i doubt i ever will. THANK YOU, God, for helping me see what to major in! argh.

if anyone else would like to see how bipolar i was, go to http://goodclothesopenalldoors.blogspot.com

it's funny.

and... that's about it.

love
lindsey.