ce soir

i had such high expectations for tonight, and none of them, not a single one, were realized. isn't that sad? on the one hand, i got to know terri better, and i'm glad of that, because she's really sweet and nice and a good girl. but it wasn't super fun at the sigma chi house or anything like i thought it would be. i did get to meet some new people, some of the brothers that had been out of town and whatnot, which was also good, and i didn't feel completely out of place, most of the time. there were a few times when i almost panicked and hid by myself because i didn't feel like i had anyone to talk to. that scared me, that i felt like leaving so soon. i thought i'd do better than that. but i suppose it turned out ok.

the big summer party is tomorrow though, and i'm really worried about that. i've mentioned that in passing to a few people, but i guess they don't really understand how it is for me. it's hard, it what it is. i'm so scared that i'll end up just standing there because everyone else will be talking away about people i don't know with people i don't know very well. i guess that's what i got myself into by transferring here, but really. i thought i was past all that.

meanwhile, back at the corral-

talked to lucas tonight, who said he could hook me up with a job as a SOL next summer, which would be SO much fun, i think. i'm excited about that.

had two tests today, i think they both went ok. i don't feel like i did as well on my history test as i did on the last one but we'll see, i suppose.

and really... that's about it. didn't drink much tonight. it's weird being sober when there are some REALLY TRASHED people there. i suppose it's ___ that keeps me on my toes like that. i just feel weird drinking or something. this is stupid- he'll probably read this and think i'm a stupid girl with a crush or something... stalker lindsey. i also shouldn't think so highly of myself to think HE'D bother reading this. seriously, he's like mr. perfect. terri heard about our little jaunt the other day and they were SO jealous... everyone thinks he's The Perfect Guy. and he really is, i figure. so i don't know why he's wasting time talking to me. i wish i knew why he was wasting time talking to screwed up me. i shouldn't write in this thing at 2 AM. i'm always lonely and depressed.

sleeping late tomorrow in preparation for summer party. hopefully i'll be awake and happy and energized... but that'll only happen if i've got stuff to do tomorrow... which i probably won't. ah well.

love
lindsey.